We can’t possibly count the number of times we’ve felt an instantaneous bond with someone we just met. Sometimes this becomes a (sexual) desire that we have little to no control over.

Then as things advance, we backup and question if it’s love or lust; is it serious or are you just being tagged along?

Well, wonder no further…

Lust can be explained as a ‘flame-y, jump-into’ type of feeling. According to leading expert Dr Helen Fisher, lust is the first step to love.

It’s an intimate attraction that later turns into something more meaningful. However, it isn’t always the case that lust grows into love.

Love then starts being driven by an emotional connection built by spending quality time together, not just when you have to get physical. Love can be identified by having a deep and serious understanding of someone.


With lust, it’s just fun. There’s often no room for much to talk about unless the little that’s done is so coitus can be the next item on the list. Lust is a temptation that fades with sexual desire while love is a bond that strengthens with time.

With lust, you are kind of blinded to someone’s shortcomings and never really see them for who they are but more for who you expect them to be. While with love, you see someone for who they are with room for improvement.

Psychiatrist Judith Orloff says lust creates lovers who seek thrill and adventure, which can oftentimes become addicting. On the other hand, love creates friends with a stable, more sane and healthy relationship.

A professor of Sociology at Oakland University, Dr Terri Orbuch, says that with lust you just talk. Talk about the weather and how someone stole your parking spot.

With love, you communicate. You aren’t afraid to share your deepest failures and most vulnerable life plans with this person.

Adam Lodolce from Sexy Confidence differentiated the two by saying:

If you know their favourite sex position but don’t know whether they like broccoli or cauliflower, then you know it’s lust and not love. If you’re willing to show them private areas of yourself,  but not of your life, then you know it’s lust and not love.

It’s argued that lust and love are concurrent. Lust doesn’t need to decrease the more love intensifies. They should grow together for a long and lasting relationship. Because when there’s no lust, you’ll stick with someone out of routine and no longer out of feelings.

When there’s no love, you’ll stick with someone out of boredom and not out of feelings.

Be selfish enough to feel both for one person!

Gina Kandanga

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About Afterbreak Magazine

Afterbreak Magazine is a Namibian Youth Magazine that strives to be the leading young adult platform that educates, empowers and entertains the Namibian youth to form a community of growth.



April 2020